GoT Season 7, Episode 5: Eastwatch

Warning: thar be potential spoilers in these here waters; if you're not up to date with GoT, sail with caution.

GoT Season 7, Episode 5: Eastwatch

Well, that was rubbish wasn’t it. A total disappointment.

AS IF! That was yet more quality!

We kicked off where we left off last week (which I always love; it makes binge watching so much more satisfying), with Jaime being dragged from the waters of the Reach by Bron. Here on the banks of the river, lamenting their preceding defeat on the battlefield. Jaime is obviously shell-shocked yet he appears more terrified of telling Cersei that dragons are real (and will categorically ruin you if they fancy it) than he was at any point en route to his attempt to spear our Khaleesi.

Back to King’s Landing is exactly where he heads, like it or not, Cersei has a lot to hear from her twin brother. Not for the first time this season Jaime fills her in [that means two things lol] on all he has learned; Olenna killed Joffrey, Dothraki are brutal and if there’s any way to avoid fighting a dragon you have to take it. Cersei is unsurprisingly unmoved, as far as she is concerned, she can hold up in her castles and kill all her foes. An interesting theory and one we know just will not work.

But it is not just Jaime who has news for their twin today. Cersei has some huge news for Jaime; she is pregnant. Further, she is happy to declare him as the father. Is it just me, or is all this official incest, burning of foes and killing of pretty much anyone in her way sound a bit familiar? Is Cersei beginning to mirror those she hates almost more than any other, the Targaryen’s? It’s beginning to become hard to ignore the similarities between her and the Mad King who, let’s not forget, was killed by Jaime. It would certainly fulfil the prophecy from Maggie The Frog if Jaime were to kill Cersei in the end, and what better reason that because she was effectively becoming the monarch he deposed with his sword previously?

It is this prophecy that is making me call bumjam on this whole pregnancy thing. Cersei has spent her life totally consumed by this prophecy, which I’m sure is why she hates Tyrion so much. Her mother may have died in childbirth, but this could easily be a convenient excuse, nothing makes Cersei angrier than fear. This prophecy declare that Cersei would have three children, with crowns of gold and shrouds of gold, and that all of them would die. Well, Cersei is three for three on dead kids now. So, I simply don’t see Cersei having this fourth child. That’s not to say it wouldn’t be interesting if he did, I mean, she’d have to re-evaluate everything she’s lived by for her whole life. But I don’t see it happening. There are three option that are most likely. 1) She won’t make it to term; either her or the baby will die before birth. This could be an especially interesting idea if Jaime does have to kill her in the end. 2) She’ll die in childbirth; what better way for Cersei to die than in childbirth? The woman has been devoted to her own brand of naff parenting all her life and having one of her children kill her like Tyrion killed her mother would be almost poetic. 3) She’s full of crap. This is my personal pick. She’s using a power play to keep Jaime on-side. This isn’t something that can be maintained long term though, so we’ll have to see what happens in the next few weeks. No matter what, this “news” will have big implications.


Back outside King’s Landing, after a soggy start, things get decidedly warmer, as Dany rounds up the surviving Lannister troops. She has one simple request (bordering on a catchphrase this season) for them to bend the knee. This comes with the caveat though that if they don’t, she’ll simply incinerate them (Jon Snow has clearly got off lightly [it

must be those smouldering good looks of his]). Naturally, most of them drop, save for a scant few, including Randyll and Dickon Tarley. Tyrion rightly points out that these guys have only sworn themselves to the Lannisters about ten minutes ago, so swapping sides again probably wouldn’t be too hard. But no. And Dany’s sense of reason has clearly taken a hit or two, because she isn’t prepared to lock them away to consider their choices. Granted, people frequently leave their captors to regret locking them up and not killing them in the first place, so maybe this is a bad option. But Dany is single minded and ruthless. No sooner have the remaining men of House Tarly (remember, Sam was disowned before we met him; it’s why he’s in the Night’s Watch originally) failed to submit, has she issued Drogon with the command of “Dracarys”. And that’s that for House Tarly, effectively ended by little more than stubbornness. Of course, this one act wins her all of the other Lannister soldiers, but now she is building a force united by fear, not adoration.  Yes, her father got pretty far o fear alone, but this isn’t the Dany we know and love. This Dany is as close to The Mad King as Cersei, a man whom both protest they are actively avoiding becoming.

Up in the Citadel, our final Tarley, Sam, is unaware of his family’s loss. Instead the Maesters are busy discussing Bran’s latest vision: the army of the dead on the march to Eastwatch. He has sent out the ravens to let all the important folk know. But the Maesters are too busy with deep thoughts and considerations to actually act and Sam has had enough. Toilet cleaning and soup dispending have only gotten him so far and he wants to help more in the world. Over his evening’s readings with Gilly, he makes his mind up, he’s off. He grabs his stuff, robs a load of important looking books, jumps on a cart and they’re all off. Where to, we don’t know for sure, but given that Sam’s been at the hub of all information, it’s a safe bet he knows all about Jon and will be heading for Winterfell.

But this scene had so much more in it than just Sam in a huff. At some point, he’s taught Gilly how to read and, as he was throwing his toys out of the pram, she was engrossed in the notes of past Maesters. In particular, the notes about an annulment and immediate remarriage for Rhaegar. She’s cut off before any more can be learned, but she’s blown everything wide open with this knowledge. This snippet of information pretty much confirms that Jon is not only a Targaryen, but a legitimised one, and the rightful heir to the Iron Throne. Although frustrating, it is nice that another one of the biggest bits of information in the show has been broken by a woman. It’s just a shame that in this misogynistic world they inhabit, she was rendered mute. We know the truth but no-one else does. Let’s just hope she brought that book with her.


When Sam and Gilly arrive in Winterfell, they might not find it to be the most welcoming of places. Arya’s return has caused a fair bit of tension at Casa del Stark. She’s kept the chips she had on her shoulder for Sansa and has no issue on calling her out on failures to defend Jon in front of the Northern Lords, nor on how she has now set up shop in her parent’s old room. Suddenly, when confronted by her younger sister, Sansa reverts back to the irritating girl I found so easy to loath from season one. Has her whole persona been little more than an act to help her gain power for herself? Let’s face it, it’s working thus far, and if Jon doesn’t return to Winterfell, one which has worked completely. Arya certainly thinks so, telling her in no uncertainty that she has half an eye on her; Sansa may need to be careful to ensure nothing she does can be misconstrued.

If Arya doesn’t get on with her sister, then she positively despises Littlefinger (join the queue). She’s convinced he’s up to something, which in the balance of things he almost

certainly is and stalks him about Winterfell in a creepy game of What’s the Time, Mr Wolf? But, given that this is Littlefinger that she’s stalking, can we really be sure that he doesn’t know Arya’s there? The shenanigans end with Maester Wolkan giving Littlefinger a secret scroll, which is promptly hidden in Littlefinger’s quarters. As soon as the coast is clear, Arya is all up in that room to find the scroll. But surely he wouldn’t just leave something this important lying around; it’s an obvious honey trap, perfectly revealed with the shot of Lord Baelish’s smirking, beshadowed face [and in my case accompanied by a cry of "Called it!" from my wonderful wife]. He has truly played Arya. But what was this scroll? Based on Arya’s face, it’s something big. From the snippet we get to see, it looks like it’s the scroll that Sansa sent to Robb, to convince him to bend the knee when Ned was being tried for treason. Of course, at this point Sansa was effectively a prisoner in King’s Landing and wrote the note under duress, but will she be able to convince Arya of this? Or will Arya simply take what she can see at face value? It could all be easily solved if there was somebody about who could defend Sansa, or who could perhaps revisit past events to corroborate her story? Eh, Bran?

Last, but by no means least, we visit Dragonstone. After her grand victory levelling the war Dany could easily rest on her laurels, or even push on to take King’s Landing herself. But no. Upon her landing back in Dragonstone, she is faced by a pensive Jon. In a beautiful moment, Drogon rushes toward him, eventually allowing Jon to touch his maw. Another moment n this season where the characters are given more and more hints of Jon’s heritage. Before any extra flirting and swooning can occur, Dany has a reunion that perhaps she didn’t expect, Jorah the Explorer is back by her side. Both he and Dany are clearly thrilled to be back together, but Jorah doesn’t seem over the moon to have Jon there. Yet another suiter for the woman he loves. But Jon isn’t here to stroke flying reptiles and woo all day, nor is her here to squabble over Dany’s affections with aging knights; just like the Citadel, Jon has had news from Bran. Winning the war for the throne is far less important than winning the one for life, but Jon needs everyone to be singing from the same hymnbook for this.

What follows surprised me. I’ve had many ideas about how the war for the throne might end, but I never though anyone would suggest an armistice. But this is what our council in Dragonstone decides; if everyone else will leave their squabbles to one side for now, then they will all fight for the living. But Jon will require proof. And lo, a plan is hatched. Tyrion is confident that he can convince a freshly open minded Jaime to get Cersei on side.

So, it’s to King’s Landing they go, with Davos bringing out his smuggling skills to safely get Tyrion into the city.

Upon arrival heads to the caverns below the city and waits (possibly chilling inside one of those giant dragon skulls). Right on cue, Bron brings Jaime down to the caverns, under the guise of further training him to duel. It’s lovely that the writers nodded back to Bron and Tyrion’s friendship, using it to get the Lannister reunion together, but I feel as though we have had their own reunion glossed over. Granted, it may not be of massive importance overall, but I always thought they were close and a proper reunion would have been nice.

Things were certainly heated, but both Tyrion and Jaime managed to hold their nerve and reach an agreement, Jaime would take Tyrion’s proposition to Cersei. He knows, as well as we do, that she cannot beat Dany anymore, so a truce would be in her favour.

But what of Davos? What is he up to while Tyrion is skulking in those caverns, just relaxing in his boat? Lord no, he has his own business. He knows exactly what the army of the living needs and knows exactly who to turn to.

The moment I saw the hammer and anvil, I knew he wouldn’t be chatting to just any old blacksmith, this could only be one person, Gendry. Clearly, he knew exactly how to row and managed to not only get back to King’s Landing safely, but set up his own blacksmiths.

Tired of making weapons for the Lannisters though, Gendry needs only a small prompt to grab his stuff and get going, grabbing his new Warhammer en route. I simply love this weapon, not just because it’s awesome, but because of what it means. First, it is emblazoned with the Baratheon stag, perhaps a sign he is happy to accept his heritage rather than hide from it. Secondly, this was Robert’s reported weapon of choice; like father, like son.

We don’t have to wait long to see this lovely hammer in action either as, just before they ready to leave, Tyrion is recognised by Lannister soldiers. They never had even half a chance, Gendry just ruins them in a whirling dervish of grace and metal.

Back safely in Dragonstone, Gendry happily introduces himself as Robert’s bastard to Jon and the two share a moment similar to the one their supposed fathers had in the very first episode. Tyrion can happily reveal to Dany that his mission was a success and that, if evidence can be gathered, a truce is likely. Of course, for Dany to even consider helping in the war, evidence is required anyway, so a plan needs concocting.

If I’m honest, it’s the worst plan ever thought up. I mean seriously, trying to catch a Wight, it’s the kind of plan a group of drunk students concoct at 4am. It might sound wonderful, punctuating jaeger bombs but if you actually try it you just end up being scratched and bitten, with a confused and angry sheep in your kitchen. I’m not sure I remember what my point was, but either way, their plan is dumb.

But that’s their plan. They’re going to go north of the wall, via Eastwatch and catch a Wight, bring it back south and parade it to the world. But with no real forces to spare, who will go? Well, Jorah is more than happy to volunteer/impress Dany now he’s back. Never one to be outbid, Jon is chomping at the bit and, despite being advised to the contrary, he is determined to go. Naturally Davos and Gendry choose to follow him into the tundra, rather than wait about with Dany.


And so, we end at Eastwatch. Honestly, I thought that this episode would be a rehash of Hardhome, full of peril and fighting, but instead this was a slow burner, ending in the titular location.

It is here that the White Walkers are headed, so it is here that Jon Snow and his little posse have gone to complete their utterly insane plan. Of course, it’s also where the Wildings are currently garrisoned (to protect it from the Walkers) and we are treated to a little bit of Tormund time, for what is really the first time this season. Even he has his doubts about the sense of this plan, especially without many good men or even “The Big Lady” (I would honestly love to live in a world where this were interpreted as the compliment that it is clearly meant as, but there is no way it’s ever seen as anything but “mean” or “upsetting”).

Thankfully Tormund (who seems devoid of any company here, a possible oversight, or a precursor for what’s to come?) has a trick up his sleeve by way of some prisoners. It looks like The Brotherhood made it to Eastwatch after all. Admittedly, they didn’t get an especially warm welcome when they arrived, but they sure did get there. The response from the Westeros version of 5ive is… mixed. Jorah isn’t unhappy to see Thoros, but then Gendry is decidedly less pleased to see them. Who can really blame him though, the last time he saw them, they sold him to a woman who would go on to put a leach on his nethers before conspiring to burn him alive.

Ever the paragon of sense though, it is The Hound who directs our merry men back on track and, at Jon’s behest, they join forces.

As they head back north of the wall, our band of seven is Tarantino-esque, resembling a snowy Reservoir Dogs. Go on, watch it again, you can almost hear Little Green Bag playing. Although, perhaps a Suicide Squad reference is more appropriate. In any other show, a group of seven main characters would be a sure-fire bet to come through unscathed, but in Game of Thrones, you know it’s the converse that’s true. You’re just begging them to drag along some Red Shirts. Once or two background characters. Anyone else. Please. But no, our Magnificent Seven have gone north, with the sole aim of catching and returning a Whyte. And then the episode ends, leaving you with nothing more than to process the fact that next week is the penultimate episode of the season, you know, the one where traditionally everything goes to hell in a handbasket. The one where, if a Stark is going to die in the season, they will die in this episode (thankfully there’s no Starks n this gaggle).

So, what are the chances of who making it back in one piece? Who won’t? I thought I’d have a wee guess.

Jon Snow. Survivability: 9.75/10. There’s only the slightest chance that Jon won’t make it back, let’s face it, it’s pretty much becoming his show right now (although it was pretty much Ned’s at one time).

Tormund. Survivability: 6/10. Will he definitely survive? My mind is telling me no, but my body, my body is telling me yes. I feel he’s got so much more to give, but if they really wanted to kick us hard, they would kick us right in the Tormunds.

Gendry. Survivability: 9/10. After waiting this long to bring him back the writers have clearly got something planned for him. A heroic death in the north? Maybe, but only very maybe. Something more interesting when he’s in front of Cersei in King’s Landing? Probably.

The Hound. Survivability: 7/10. Another one who has a lot left to give, but another one who could be killed for the emotional hit. Not sure on this one, but I’m leaning towards survival.

Jorah the Explorer. Survivability: 3.5/10. This guy. This guy is the main event right here. There is no way he is safe. He might survive, but expect all the peril to come his way! Perhaps he’s got a bit further to go, but dying in the name of Dany would be the most Jorah of all the Jorah deaths.

Thoros of Myr. Survivability: 3/10. Not done a whole lot, so wouldn’t be a huge loss. The fact he can bring people back from the dead has gained the drunk geezer another point and a half.

Berrick Dondarrion. Survivability: 2/10. My money is on Berrick I know that Thoros can bring him back from the dead, but I’m betting he’ll be told not to bother. We’ve heard too much about Berrick’s past and seen too little of his present for him to not wind up dying in battle. But it will be a badass death and in Game of Thrones, that’s really all you can hope for.

Predicted number of casualties: 2 (or possibly 3)

Odds of success: We’ll be told they’re slim, but they’ll do it (just)

Perilometer: Through the roof.

Until next time, valar mughulis.

You can find my review of Episode 4: The Spoils of War here.